=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= He's Not A Truthful Person -------------------------- This is something Voyager recently told another person about me. It has been gnawing at me ever since, because I know he is right. I do not hold his statement against him. Why should I? He was telling the truth. More than I had realized. I know how he drew his conclusion of me. I will not defend myself or make excuses. I will try to make you understand why it is true. Nothing more. My father died when I was three years old. My mother was pregnant with my youngest sister at the time. She was forced to raise her children alone for several years, until there came a time when she couldn't do it anymore, and married for convenience. My new step-something was a closet alcoholic. After time he stopped hiding it. He would often beat me when my mother was away. I told my mother one day, and she didn't believe me. She had asked him about it, and he denied it. She took his word over that of her son. Maybe it was for convenience. I was left to entertain myself most of my childhood. I never received an allowance. I never received anything I asked for. I never had anything but the bare essentials. I didn't have many friends. My mom divorced my step-something after two years. She fell in love with a neighbor. He had many children, whose source of entertainment was beating on me. I told my mother. Her solution was to take me to my ex-step-somethings house for the weekend to be watched while she worked, along with my sister. Every Saturday morning we were taken there. I was beaten repeatedly. Every Sunday I was picked up. I knew not to tell my mother about it, because I had already tried that once, and it didn't work. But I could tell from the look in her eyes she knew. Knew that each Saturday morning, she was leading me to slaughter. She brought me there for convenience. Her boyfriend's kids kept beating on me. I said something. She asked, and in the resulting verbal fight, they broke off the relationship. My mother blamed me. Said it was all my fault. We moved away. I learned three things from this. Don't trust anyone, because if you can't trust your own mother, who can you trust. Keep your mouth shut, or else you will be beaten for it. The truth doesn't mean anything and will only hurt you. I built a wall around myself. I lied to everyone, even my mother, about everything. My reasoning was that you can't be hurt if they knew nothing about you or what was really going on with you. In time I found the world of computers a great place to hide from the world and be whoever I wanted to be. I had the opportunity to build an image of myself among others of how I would have wanted my life to be had I already not been destroyed by others. Over time, this image of who I wanted to be became so ingrained in my psyche that it is who I became. I became this person without a foundation for it to rest on. As time went on, I became trapped. I stumbled upon philosophy one day and renounced god and religion. I became my own god, and Objectivism became my new bible. I started to become who I really was. I was happy. I had found meaning and direction. But the ghost of my previous image I had built among others kept returning to haunt me. I was not that person anymore, and I tried to distance from it by simply being myself. I made new friends. I took old friends who's friendship I valued aside and talked about what you are reading now. I learned a new lesson by doing this: The truth will set you free. Because once the truth is out there for all to see, no one can use it against you. I refused to become a prisoner of my past, living in fear of the truth. My journey has been recent; it is only two years old. Voyager said his journey took six years. I still have several years to go. Those of you who have met me in the last year know the real me. I was actively renouncing my past before I came out from the underground. But there is still some of the old me mixed within that real me. People I have met in the last year that I consider valued friends are seeing more of the real me everyday. I am still shedding my past as I continue to grow and learn more about myself, and having friends like Jericho make this whole transition rewardable. I still have a long way to go, but I am slowly making my way there. I ask one thing of all who know me, whether you consider yourself my friend or my enemy. Can we go from here? Ask and I shall tell you the truth. No matter what the consequences. se7en =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, etc etc... = = Internet : jericho@dimensional.com (Mail is welcomed) = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = gote land +27.31.441115 = = Arrested Development +31.77.3547477 = = Global Chaos +61.2.681.2837 = = Chemical Persuasion 203.324.0894 Undrgrnd Indust/Inc. 207.490.2158 = = Damnation 212.861.0580 Damnation -Toll Free 888.803.8490 = = Hacker's Haven 303.516.9969 Unearthly Shadows 303.683.1443 = = E.L.F. (NUP) 314.272.3426 Misery 318.625.4532 = = Dungeon Sys. Inc. 410.263.2258 Psykodelik Images -- Down -- = = Paradise Lost 414.476.3181 Black SunShine 513.891.3465 = = underworld_1995.com 514.683.1894 Digital Fallout 516.378.6640 = = PSYCHOSiS 613.836.7211 Bad Trip 615.870.8805 = = Plan 9 716.881.3663 suicidal chaos 718.592.1083 = = Damaged 801.944.7353 The Death Star Bar 805.872.3151 = = Purple Hell 806.791.0747 BloodNet 901.872.8615 = = Atrocity Exhibition 905.796.3385 Phoenix Modernz 908.830.8265 = = The Keg 914.234.9674 that stupid place 215.985.0462 = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = Files through Anon FTP FTP.DIMENSIONAL.COM/users/jericho/FUCK = = FTP.PRISM.NET/pub/users/mercuri/zines/fuck = = FTP.WINTERNET.COM/users/craigb/fuck = = FTP.GIGA.OR.AT/pub/hackers/zines/FUCK = = ETEXT.ARCHIVE.UMICH.EDU - /pub/Zines/FUCK = = FTP.DIMENSIONAL.COM - /users/rage/zines/fuck = = Files through WWW: http://www.dimensional.com/~jericho = = http://www.prism.net/zineworld/fuck/ = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = (c) Copyright. All files copyright by the original author = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= (11/25/96)